As long back in the past as she could place her earliest recollections,she had always had such feelings. Nothing special about that, had it notbeen for a detail -a major detail- that everyday kept reminding herthat, for her, things would be just a little harder than for the othergirls: she had been born in a male body. As she was approaching pubertyin her early teens, she had read extensively about the ravaging effectsof male puberty on the body of a trans girl: beard growth, the deepeningof the voice, muscle growth and a series of other disastrous,irreversible consequences that would forever tamper with her body andher chances of being a passable, sexy woman in her adulthood. She alsoknew about the devastating psychological burden such changes would placeon her mind as she would watch her body "switch" in the wrong direction.As daunted as she was with all of this, she was resolute, however, notto let a very mean nature ruin her life and her future as a real woman.Her life up to that. Prof set the tone that we weren't going to have unpleasant conversations. We didn't have much time left, and even though our bodies were getting increasingly sick and painful Prof wanted our time to be as mentally peaceful and, in a way, as enjoyable as possible.Prof never said, "I'm an old man, so I don't really mind dying," nor anything else so pessimistic. I knew he was probably more upset about my dying than his, as he considered me to be far more important than himself, but he didn't comment on that either.Another topic we didn't touch was what the people we were leaving behind would experience. Without Prof's example, I would've been a maudlin mess over thoughts like those. Julia was the one that sent shivers up my spine. She was losing her father and what I'd call her husband, except I'm so much the center of her life that "husband" doesn't capture her feelings nearly strongly enough. And when she learns - as she probably will - that it happened because Prof and I went to.
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