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Did she not tell you that?" I asked."No she didn't, she just told me that you two were going to take it slow.What all did you tell her? Wait lets just talk about this when you driveme home okay?" she all but whispered to me."Great... Ok we'll talk then," I said worried about what Alicia wasthinking. I couldn't imagine why she would still be interested in me, Ifigured that if she knew that we could never be physical with each otherthat she wouldn't want to be more than friends. I just hope I canconvince her somehow that we can't be a couple, and not hurt her any morethan I have to.Classes went by as normal as possible, which meant they were boring atleast until lunchtime. I found myself at our normal table sandwiched inbetween Jen and Alicia."How'd the test go?" I asked her."Think I'm the only one in the class who aced it. Thanks to my studypartner." She grinned and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "Thanksso much."Even that nothing of a kiss on the cheek was enough to make my. All I heard was how they missed us.I was content to continue in my hectic life, learning a new art form but not creating any art. I hadn’t felt inspired since the night I painted Hope. I could convince myself that I was still working on art because I was learning something. It was a thin deception.Just as I’d accepted my violent racquetball practices as sport.Lissa joined me on the court Monday afternoon expecting to pick up where we’d left off, but I was way beyond that. She walked off the court after half an hour. I hardly noticed she was missing. I walked off the court an hour-and-a-half later, dripping sweat.“Where’d you go?” I asked.“I couldn’t stay on the court with you, Tony.”“Why?”“You’ve always been intense, whether it was racquetball or art or making love, dear. But I’ve never felt I was in danger. Now I do.”She walked away and left the club. I shoved my gear in my locker. Afraid of me? She was afraid of me? What have I become?I took off out of the club on a dead run. I ran.
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