I went from a respectable smaller "C" cup that barely appeared on anyone's radar to a double "D," between August and June of my freshman year at college.When I got home, none of my clothes, especially not my underwear, fit anymore. I also arrived home to help my mom through the pain of discovering her breast cancer and the treatment and recovery. Over the years, my mom had continued to only love my dad more and more, but within a few months of the surgery it became clear that what he'd loved most was gone.The year following my mom's surgery, I could feel his eyes on me everywhere I went while I was at home. I was twenty years old and had lost my virginity that summer so I knew what he wanted. I also knew that it would never happen. Please don't paint my father as a monster. He never laid so much as a finger on me or even made a lascivious remark. But he couldn't help what he was.He left my mom with a note that she never revealed the contents of to me. He split everything with her. Ah know that sounds a bitharsh, but ah really do believe it. You love 'im to death, ah know, butit's gotta be mutual. You'll find out." That's what I'm afraid of. He's SO special, Chelsea - I know I'llnever find a guy like him again."She just gave me that big-sister smile. "Sandy ... if he goes, wellthat just means an even better man is waitin' in the wings. An' he'llcome from where you least expect it."Well, that certainly didn't go as I hoped, I thought, after Chelseadropped me back at home. So it was literally every other female (whoknew) against me. But don't think Sandra Johnson is dumb enough toignore that kind of lopsided tally. The thing is, all of them had good,sensible arguments and all I had was my fear of rejection. I said hiand goodnight to Mom all in the same breath, and went straight to myroom and thought and thought as I took off my makeup, moisturized, didmy teeth and slipped into my nightie, then crawled into bed and turnedoff the light.Less than a minute later the.
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