At first I didn’t see it. At first I just ignored you and tried to pretend that you didn’t exist, like maybe if I did you would just go away. But you persisted. When I was at the store or watching TV alone, I shift my gaze and suddenly see you there… and I always smiled. Even when my parents talked about how much you were going to destroy my life, I’d still smile. I knew it wasn’t true. You would have only made my life better. In the short time I did know you, you completely changed me. I could only imagine who I would have become had we been able to live the life we deserved. My grandma always said, ‘God gives us just enough — never too much and never too little.’ She was right. That short time I knew you was just long enough for me to know someone loved me. I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died.. Do you mind if I come in and use a pen and a pieceof paper? I didn't think to bring anything with me." He had practiced the lines several times now. His tone wouldbe one of friendly consternation. Just the right amount of each. He evenknew who he was supposedly leaving the note for, just in case Swimmer Boythought to ask. AKA had quickly memorized the name cardon the door of the room to the left of the stairs, the nameof a kid who, given the darkened state of his room, had already left forthe holidays. AKA reached Swimmer Boy's door. 331. He wondered if thepapers would mention it. They sometimes gave a surprising amount of detail.Although they had never mentioned the key fact. How AKA did it. Offed them.Always using a piece of their own clothing. Just as he was going to do tonight. He smiled as the memories came. For the scruffy, dark-hairedtruck driver, his thick black bootlaces had served the purpose. For the lip-piercedMinnesota mallrat--lured into AKA's van by a promise of "some.
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