Like, he's been in the Air force since he was 18. He joined the day he graduated and said that it was the best decision he's made for himself. He told me that things at home weren't too great, and this was his only way out. Then he finished by saying how he hasn't seen his family since he joined. I wasn't sure what to make of that. I knew that some family's could be seriously dysfunctional, but so much so that he hasn't seen them in nearly 10 years? Anyway, I told him about my sad life story. Not so much boo-hoo teary sad, more along the lines of pathetic. I went on about my no-longer friends, and my no-life situation, and instead of feeling like the loser I normally feel, I felt relieved. Kevin just smiled at me the whole time, comforting me at my low points, and chuckling at the high points. For the first time, I felt like myself - my whole self, and not some sugar-coated Sophie I usually play for people. Eventually we made it back to Dan's place, and settled on the couch to watch. I’m fairly certain that I wasn’t an experiment. He was far too assured in our relationship for me to believe he’d never been with another man. But for that period of fidelity with him, I’ve lived the stereotype, engaging in anonymous bathhouse sex, being every inch the fag that middle America fears. I’ve watched friends and lovers die by the hundreds. I should probably be dead myself. I promise myself again and again to change, to find one good man, but the only one I’ve ever met appears and re-appears on various ‘Most Eligible Bachelor’ lists. This morning, I awoke early. The summer heat had caused me to cast off most of my bedding. Only the sheet remained, and it was wrapped about my waist and groin. I honestly didn’t think anything of it at the time. I stretched from the bed and went into the kitchen to make coffee. A voice from the couch said to me, ‘Some people would say you have a Messiah Complex.’ My heart froze. For a brief miraculous moment, I thought it was him, that we’d.
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