I think she was thinking of how I looked in our youngerdays. So by the time came to fly to Paris my hair was fashionably unkemptenough that I was able to achieve a reasonable ponytail when the moodstruck me.About six months after her death I really started to think long and hardabout what I wanted out of my life now that I was on my own. The thoughtoccurred to me that I could do what I damn well wanted to do. As Itwisted my newly long hair with my fingers into a barrel curl at mytemple it came to me that my options as to cross dressing were no longerlimited to lipstick lessons and lipstick final exams. So Paris came intomy mind as an excellent place for a new me to venture forth.I decided that those three months in Paris were not going to be a redo ofwhat the past 40 some years had been. I would not be living in Paris.Wendy would. Wendy had waited in the wings for too long.I thought about what clothes I would take to Paris with me. My suitcaseswould be quite different from what the. I am never going to know one of these girls well enough to get the real story. The women I know are their own mothers, the middle-aged women who probably got married to the previous generation’s hopeless boy in the sad bedroom or the parked car when she got pregnant and thereafter lived a conventional married life. And now they are grandmothers, their cycle rushed through, so the marriage ended in predictable divorce and they are now back in the market, trying their luck with other women’s cast-offs. They think they are past their best because they couldn’t get away with wearing their daughter’s black sparkly top and they don’t understand the music the kids listen to these days. It’s not songs with a pattern of verses and choruses, but endless tides of rhythm that seem to lead nowhere.The young woman’s mother was across the table from her daughter and granddaughter. She was wearing slightly loose jeans which weren’t meant to be like that, but just didn’t hug her in the right places..
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