There was a minute of silence, the only sound the revving of the engineand the faint squealing of the power steering belt as we passed throughfirst one and then another stop sign. Finally she glanced over at me andasked, "You really don't like it at all? I mean, I find it hard to believea teenage boy would imagine himself without genitals. Didn't you have anykind of urge, even unconscious, to be this way when you were programingthe machine?"I felt a surge of anger at the suggestion. She was actually trying toimply that this was intentional, that I'd done this to myself on purpose?"There was no 'urge,'" I said harshly, crossing my legs. A little voicequalified that statement. In some ways I did like it, slightly. I likedhow I was able to cross my legs. I liked the way it felt to walk. But onlybecause it was a novelty. "It's just the way I think when I imagine a malebody."She lapsed into silence again, leaving me to my thoughts. Which turned towhy I thought of males like that. I. That's okay, I guess. I can have babies of my own, but in his minds eye, he still sees me as a little girl.Of course he wanted to read my story, but he didn't want to read it then. Only after Cindy told him it wasn't a porn story and he could read it in front of us, was he okay in doing so.I found it so odd; my large laptop looked so small sitting in front of him. It looked so unusual to see his big leathery hands, hands gnarled, calloused and scared by weather and work to the point where they could neither open nor close fully, sitting perched on the now small looking keyboard.Cindy was sitting pensively on the edge of the sofa watching him. I thought she looked even more in anticipation of his opinion than I was.He sat; he read quietly, the first I noticed of how deep his emotions were was when he took out his pipe. Of course, he's not allowed to smoke his pipe in the house, but him taking his pipe and chewing on the stem, is always a sure sign to us all, of how deeply and.
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