Sobbing dry tears that she could not understand, Peggy finally got to her feet, mindless of Hero's puzzled stance at her side, and staggered into the bedroom. The lights were out there and she lay there on the big empty double bed ... she was ashamed, horribly ashamed and she felt suddenly very wicked and evil, worse than she had ever felt and she wanted only to be alone in the darkness. Oh Bob, I'm sorry, Bob, but you weren't here! Oh forgive me, darling! But ... you're just never here! Never!Chapter 4Eddie Mangum blissfully stuck his head up close to the shower nozzle and let the cool water rush over his face like spring rain. His skin tangled all over as the cleansing water washed away the sweat and grime of a hard summer day's work ... not to mention the session on the living room floor with Dottie. Jesus, that was some woman! Sometimes he wondered if he would live to be forty ... but baby, what a way to go! Fucked and sucked to death by the hottest piece on two legs anywhere!Of. Quiet. It was more than my mantra. Right now, it was my life. I force fed myself that refrain, trying to find a quiet place in my brain but I'd pushed it as far as it could go ... and it wasn't nearly enough. The emotions I'd hoped to blow to the winds returned ten-fold; I felt them crashing around and through me. I could feel my anger just below the surface threatening to consume me. Everything I'd gone through for the past few months, all of the anguish and crushing pain, all of it was rising within me, boxing me in, pushing the walls in on me, over me, under me ... I was losing it, falling, a dark chasm opening at my feet and threatening to consume what little of me was left.I struggled within myself, trying to find some last corner of conviction and faith but there was precious little left. I needed the conviction that I would make it through this and the faith that I would be able to eventually rise above it. I needed the hope that had been crushed out of me the past few months.
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