No, I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. They left, with looks that told me they didn’t know how to help, but desperately wanted to.The next morning, Mary picked me from the hospital and took me to get a new suit for the funeral. The fitting was excruciatingly painful for me and seemed to go on forever, but eventually, I had a suit that fit reasonably well. Mary wanted to take me somewhere to eat after we had my suit. I shrugged. I wasn’t hungry, but I was agreeable enough to go with her.We sat in the booth and she ordered Chicken Parmesan and I ordered a club sandwich, planning on taking half of it home to put in the fridge. We ate slowly, with Mary doing most of the talking. When she’d exhausted most of the safe topics, she sighed. “How are you feeling?” she asked quietly.“Numb mostly,” I admitted. “Sometimes it hits me that she’s gone and I’ll never see her smile again, but mostly, I just don’t feel anything right now.”She nodded. “Just take it one step at a time. I know. " "Howcan I promise, if I don't know what it is?" "You just have topromise." I hesitated for a second. "Ok. I guess after what Idid to you I deserve it. I promise, no matter what." "You have toquit holding back. If I'm not mistaken you've always wanted todress me up more often and make me wear more things, but you'vealways held back because you thought it was farther than I wantedto go. Am I right?" "Well yes, I guess so." "You have to promisethat from now on, if you want me to wear some new item of women'sclothes, or if you want to do something to me to make me morefeminine, that you'll do it regardless of how you think I may feelabout it." "Really?" I was shocked but my heart leapt for joy inside me. I hadalways had a fantasy of dominating Chris into womanhood and here hewas telling me to do it to him. "Yes really, and I want you to sayit." "What do you mean?" "Say, I promise that if I want you towear something, or if I want you to do something, or if I want tofeminize you in some.
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