I had never engaged in any real sex in Sveg – it was too small, with only two and a half thousand people and I was too private, so I contented myself with porn. In London I came to life!I was happy to live in a student hostel and although it was nice to mix with lots of students from around the world, and although my course at UCL was enjoyable, I was anxious to experience sex. My first adventure was accidental. Near where I lived was the Caledonian Road and there were a number of interesting shops and I loved wandering about just looking at all the different types of shops and different ethnic restaurants. In a small backstreet was a nice café called something like “the river” which was run by Greek or Italian people. I was sitting having a coffee outside the café and noticed a number of men going into the shop next door – at least it looked like a shop but with a blanked front window. I decided this must be a sex shop and decided to have a look. I was surprised when I went it that. My feelings didn't reach the level of what I'd felt with Lisa, but they far exceeded anything I'd ever felt about any one other than family.Suddenly I realized that my introspection had taken a bit of time, and Kelly was waiting. I concluded that, for whatever reason this had come about, I was okay with it. No, I was actually happy. Happy for the first time since Lisa had been diagnosed, and I would be content, no matter where Kelly and I went from here.I shut the water off, and dried my hands. I snorted to myself, as I realized how carefully I'd re-hung the hand towel. Lisa had trained me well. With one more glance in the mirror, I went back out to find Kelly.She was over by the kitchen sink, and when she saw me, she asked if I wanted another cup of hot chocolate. "No thanks," I replied. "I think I've had enough."She nodded, and started to rinse out the cup I'd been using. I walked over and said, "Here, let me get that. I need something to do with my hands for a minute." Kelly just.
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