Hysterical. I just felt so off balance.’ ‘Go ahead,’ she encouraged. I was afraid that at any moment I would name the deed and her calm demeanor would turn to ice or fire, cutting me with anger and shame. ‘Lin called me. I don’t know what he wanted. But he heard how upset I was. And he came over to make sure I was alright and- and- I was out of my mind Zoë. I just didn’t care anymore- the wall came down and Lin was there. I needed comfort. And he was- there.’ ‘You slept with Lin.’ Zoë said simply. I dropped my head. I couldn’t bare to look at her. Instead I focused my eyes on my fingernails, touching them and rubbing them with my fidgety fingers. ‘Oh God-‘ Zoë said, suddenly realizing what this meant. ‘and if you- this could be- it could be- Oh Nikki!’ She swept me into her arms and crushed me to her chest with an all embracing hug. She was on my side, she supported me. But she knew the weight of what I had to face. She pushed me back, encouraging me to sit straight by the way she. ’ You turn off each light switch you pass, find Mara scraping food into the sink, legs together, elbows in, head bowed. You seize her ponytail, bite the back of her neck, swallow her gasp as it leaves her mouth. ‘Mate,’ she tries to say, ‘Let’s, stoooop, shouldn’t we go watch… Ahhh.’ You tip her into your arms, catch her, put your knee between hers. Half-pushing, half-dragging, you urge her into the bedroom, where the bedsheets have been tucked in so harshly the bed’s become flat and hard. The panties you pull from her thighs to her toes used to be white, now they’re faded grey. You slurp the juice out of Mara as if she’s an oyster. She thumps your back and pulls your hair and her ankles drum your butt. There’s electricity flowing through her body. Her fingertips flicker. There’s blood on her chin. She’s bitten her lip. You reach under her, flip her body over, make some joke about her new position, about the value for money you’re gonna give her, extend your middle finger, spread her.
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