It was the paper snatcher.Ah, well. It wasn't raining that hard. And I only had six blocks to the subway station. I started to hoof it.Halfway there, it began to pour. I quickly had water streaming down my face. Ducking under the narrow overhang of a newsstand, I bought a paper. I only had a $5 bill. The guy gave me change, mostly in pennies. As I raised the paper over me and stepped away, I noticed he'd given me 3 cents too many. Two other guys were lined up to buy papers so I stepped around them to hand back the pennies. As I did, I felt something cold on my foot and looked down. The puddle was at least four inches deep.I squished and squooshed the rest of the way. By now I was so far behind my schedule that I'd run smack into rush hour. I had to wait for three trains before I could even squeeze onto one, what with people pushing past me.Let me make this clear: I get up so early -- normally -- because I am not a sardine and I don't like being treated like one. My usual subway ride. Over the bottom flap, I was wearing a pair of lacy tanga knickers and, covering my legs was a pair of red silk hold-up stockings with a Cuban heel and lacy patterned top. My footwear consisted of a pair of leather boots, which came to just above my knees and sported a fairly thin 4" heel, making it difficult though not impossible for me to keep my balance and walk with a fairly feminine gait. My eyebrows had been plucked and shaped and my wife had made me up very convincingly, spending a lot of time on my eyes, making them very bold and eye-catching. My lips also were full and glossy, in a bright red contoured with a dark lip pencil. To top it all off, my wife had insisted I wear a bright red short wig, styled into a modern cut that was swept forward over my ears and part of my cheeks. Although they could not be seen whilst I was dressed, my mistress had also given me a pedicure including painting my nails scarlet and, had stuck false nails to my hands with super glue, making sure.
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