I couldn't move. I lay there,scarcely breathing. Then, "Gwen, why?" I can't do this to my husband any longer. He needs me." Gwen!" I was reaching for words. Anything! "Do what? Do whatto him? He doesn't know! He doesn't know anything!" I wasfighting for my life, yet the still morning light filtering throughthe curtain hid her face and kept the peace."Harry? Oh, I think he knows. And I know, Dana. Only you don'tknow. It's done." She shook her head, seemed to struggle to hold back tears. Shetook a deep breath. "Of course he knows." Then her voice was calmagain.A sob exploded out of me. Of exasperation? This was unbearable! She felt guilty? I struggled to sit up on the bed, but Icouldn't. I wanted to console her, hold her close until this moodpassed, but I couldn't. I didn't dare intrude on her feelings, Iwas myself their cause, I was myself what had brought on this spasmof remorse. My coming near her now could only make matters worse. She had to deal with it. We could probably get a series on showtime." I said it with a smile she could probably hear, if not see. "Now lock your doors and I will see you around noon."During the next morning I didn't even answer the smart phone at all. Instead, between breakfast at Helen's and my trip to the mall, I drove to Wal-Mart. I bought a throwaway phone. I figured that if I was going to pay a secretary, she could deal with all but my most personal calls. As I was headed back to the Downtown house, after my mall walk, I made a detour by the park. As I rode the bike through slowly, I noticed a couple of Hispanic women with their children.I would never have done it before, but that morning I rode the bike to where they sat on the bench and said, "Good morning ladies, are you about ready for Christmas?"They had no idea who I was and were understandably shy. Still they smiled when I smiled. I rode away thinking it had been a pleasant morning all in all.I had an hour before Sylvia arrived or I probably.
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