The next morning, I went to an AA meeting and phoned my sponsor Hal Roberts. He was in his sixties and he and his wife, Nelda, were my second family. He and I went fishing together, and I had dinner with them once a week. I had been going to take Melody to their house for dinner the day that Karen had ended her life.I met him for lunch at Gordy's and I unloaded on him. He listened, his blue-gray eyes never leaving my face. When I finished speaking, he reached across the table and gently swatted my cheek with his hand. "Son, stop feeling guilty. No matter how much you want to do it, you can't protect Melody from everything. You can only do what you can do and nothing more."I started to protest that I wasn't feeling guilty, but stopped myself. He was right. I was playing an if only game with myself. If only I had been in the store that day; if only I had called her and asked her to take the day off. I had a list that would have gone for pages had I taken the time to write them down.As. She said, ” I’ve never gotten physical and the thought of getting physical with a stranger that my parents found is even weirder”. I was surprised on hearing that and at the same time my hard on went a mile extra. Well this is my time it’s now or never I gathered up all courage and I said: ” then why don’t we have a practice session with somebody that you know for ages before the real deal?”. She was confused and surprised that I would say that. She said ” what are you even saying? How can you think of me like that” I said ” listen we’ve known each other since childhood you’re my cousin sister you need help and I’m here, nobody has to know about this and also this would get rid of your fear. Just imagine what if everything goes wrong at your first night it would definitely upset you and him. So why not ?”There was silence and awkward moment of silence to be precise. I could see her thinking about my opinion. Thinking real hard. I was relieved that she did not make a fuss or throw me.
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