Endlessly telling people the bad news that they already knew. Whisky doesn’t buy itself though and without I can’t do this job.Today was different though. It started just after 11 when my secretary brought a Mr Maroney. “What can I do for you Mr Maroney?” I asked. “I need you to find my wife” he replied “She’s been gone for a week, very unusual for her”This is a common story and usually the answer is she’s a woman’s shelter because she “fell down the stairs” one to many times. Or she’s been dumped somewhere for some poor bastard to find. “Problems at home?” I enquired“Not that I know of. She’s been away working and was due back last week. I’m concerned that she may have been k**napped, but there’s been no demands”“Why would you thin she was k**napped? Are you and your wife rich?” Mr Maroney reached into his pocket and passed a picture of his wife to me. It took me a second to realise the woman in the picture was Jennifer Lawrence.“You’re a lucky man Mr Maroney” I said “Where was she. He stood there and silently watched as the wads swirled around and around, and then, with a final flourish, they disappeared down, leaving not a trace! He found himself smiling at that for a moment."Good riddance," he said out loud. Then he added, to himself: "There's going to be NO pussy for you. Not now. Not ever." Ricky felt happy with that resolution. It was his mission in life---to never, ever, pass his Caucasian genes on into the future! Then, thinking that as he came out of the bathroom, he heard his mother coming in through the front door."What have you been up to today on your day off!?" She said with a friendly, inquiring smile of motherly interest."Not much, really!" Ricky replied. His mother seemed a little skeptical, but this time she didn't pry any further.Ricky knew that, one day, and probably not that far off in the future, he was going to have to break the news to his parents that HE was NOT going to carry the family (sperm) torch into the future...but, not yet. Not.
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