Her sandpaperdry throat and deep-fried brains prevented Princess Gwendolyn from questioningthe dubious provenance of the dark yellow soup. The sniggering guard wasn'tvolunteering any information as he held the ladle of stale-smelling, brackishliquid to her paper-dry lips. Her heat-basted body wasn't really functioningbeyond an overwhelming need for liquid replenishment. Squatting like a toad, poor dehydratedGwendolyn sipped gratefully at the putrid liquid. Highbred grace wasn't anoption. When the first ladleful was empty, she shamelessly abandoned anypretence of gentility. Her pink tongue flickered out to lick greedily atthe last small golden drops at the bottom of the ladle. The guard helpfullymoved the scoop of the ladle so that she could tongue it thoroughly, insideand out, generously allowing her to lick up every bit of urinary goodness. Her parched throat opened up, wateredback to life by the brackish fluid. Her bloodshot blue eyes fixed obsessivelyon the bucket of. "Swappy Lady, Swappy Lady, Swappy Lady."I invented further refinements of the rules to explain my lack ofsuccess. I had to be mirroring the pose of the girl, otherwise sensationsfrom my male body would also hold me back. To clarify - if I had beensitting and she was standing, a tiny part of me wouldn't be thinkingabout jumping, but would be anticipating about how if Swappy Lady wassuccessful - there would have to be a moment when the seat was there andthen not there. My legs would have to suddenly be straight when they'dbeen flexed around the chair. It was that stimulus from my world - thepressure of the seat or the position of my body, which was also anchoringme to reality and preventing me focussing entirely on the jump.So the final and definitive rules of Swappy Lady I arrived at were asfollows. I had to be in the exact same position as the girl; say "SwappyLady" three times inside my head; want to jump with all my heart and befocussed on the jump one hundred percent; and close my.
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