Early in the evening, Tom came back by and asked if he could come inand talk to me. I still didn't want to be seen, but I decided if I wasgoing to cope I'd have to get used to it, so I let him in. The two ofus sat down on my bed in a bit of awkward silence for a few minutes."So, I hear you aren't doing so hot." Tom said after a while, soundingconcerned."Yeah." I said quietly."I always thought if you got back to normal, you would have an easiertime coping." he said, sounding more like he was thinking out loud thanactually talking to me."Me too." was all I could manage to say."So what is it exactly that's wrong with it?" he asked, sounding alittle irritated. I wondered if he thought I liked being girlish, ifmaybe he thought I was gay or something. It made me feel more self-conscious."It's just that it's so weird." I tried to explain, "The little girlpart of the change I think is what made me cope with just being in thisbody and having to wear these clothes. I'm not so sure I CAN. "Okay, I'm Stacey Sue Hargreaves. Most just call me Stacey. You best prove I am not wrong about you honey!" I'm Toni, Toni Marsden. Now I just need to get a job and your money will be paid straight up. I Promise!"After about three weeks of looking, I was getting desperate. I'd tried every place locally. Okay, well maybe not every place, but it felt like it. I was getting nowhere. My money was dwindling and though I was only a week behind with the rent. I could not see how I was going to get money. I was so desperate. I sat drinking coffee, reading the vacancies."Hey Toni, there's a woman comes in here says they are looking to hire at her place. You may not like it, it's Kissogram work. Says it's good money though!" Um, not sure if I could do that though. Give me the address and I will try it and see."Okay, I had lived with a cowboy for over a year. Really I was still quite shy. Especially when it came to anything to do with the opposite sex. Desperation though is a great persuader. I.
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