There was a difference to her screams with him versus with me. Or, so I told myself. There were more screams of that there was no doubt. These were guttural screams. I'd never heard her scream at distance. I was always in the same bed, or, at least the same room when she'd spend and scream. Being sixty plus feet away was different. I knew she was enjoying herself, but, it almost sounded like she was being attacked, these were wild screams, not contained like with me. For the longest time, perhaps the entire time of his stay I'd lay awake and anticipate those screams. Girl screaming could take place at any time of the night. I mean just because we'd say our good nights and I'd leave them at rest didn't mean a thing: "We're bushed, Cully, good night, sweetheart." Sleep well, Culburn."I'd lower my chair from where I'd learned to lean back and cock it, my socked feet pressing on the corner of their bed and get up from my chair: "Good night, angel. Night, Tommy."An hour later: a scream in. The baby waskicking up a storm and I couldn't stop to breathe. Matt put his armaround me and began to cry. "Sorry, Kells. I am so sorry. I amreally, really sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. Please. Please.Please stop crying. Please. I am so sorry. I never said it. Please.I don't mean to hurt you. I was wrong." Now, we were holding eachother, crying.I regained my composure, sort of. "It's OK, Matt," I said, as he keptcrying. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. I know," and I took adeep breath, "how hard it's been for you. I mean I don't know. Ican't know. I mean it's a fair question to ask. I was just afraid toask it." I couldn't believe I was saying this to a 15 year old. ToFi's son. I had probably not just crossed, but obliterated, the line.He stopped crying and rubbed his eyes. "I guess I just thought. Imean, it's a suit. You could take off the suit and you didn't. I justthought..." Do you want to talk, Matt? I'll just listen."He looked at the.
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