As I lay there, I thought about my new life as a castrato. I thoughtthat I should be upset about this, but what filled me was a deep senseof joy that I had been able to do this for Gwen, that we were togetherand that we were happy. A night of pleasant dreams.The next morning, the pain was quite unpleasant. It felt like I had beenkicked between the legs. Gwen came in "How are you feeling now, dear. Isit painful?" "Yes," I replied, "It is." I tried to sit up, but the painwas too much. Gwen frowned, "O.k. I'll get you something." She quicklyreturned with a couple of tablets and a syringe. She injected me with apainkiller - I don't really know what it was - might have been morphine,but the pain quickly ebbed away. The pills, Gwen told me, were Prozac,just to keep me calm and happy as the healing began.A few days went by and I quickly recovered. But Gwen wouldn't let me outof bed - she kept fussing, changing my dressing, assuring me thateverything was o.k. Finally, after about three days. The elaborate geometric tilefloor in the porch continued down the passageway, and in defiance of theClean Air Acts, she always had a coal fire or two burning in theVictorian fireplaces, even sometimes in a bedroom, right through thewinter. Her furniture was elaborate and heavy, but threadbare andmarked. I'd visited with parents many times, and had stayed there withher on high days and holidays. She had some beautiful paintings in herhouse, all six of them mounted in exquisite ornate gilded gesso-coveredframes. Each one of them depicted the same subject, but in a differentsetting, and I could never choose a favourite as I loved them all. Theywere disturbingly erotic, and all the more so because each depicted agirl, just embarking on puberty, but otherwise androgynous in shape, andnaked.I could see the similarities with myself when I was that age, althoughperhaps the figures were slightly idealised. What man couldn't becomeobsessed with the subject? What man could not be gripped with.
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