The rivers, lakes and ponds where I would go were places where I could be alone to cry, talk to God – talk to Shirley – and just take the time to grieve. Sometimes I’d take Shelby, and we would talk about her mom and why God had to take her from us. At first, when I went with Shelby, we’d just cry together, but soon we got past the crying phase and it just became conversation between a single father and a little girl who was growing up much too quickly. After awhile, one of the questions she started asking was when I’d start dating again. I guess that meant the family counselor she was seeing had done a good job with her, because she had an awful lot of trauma to get through to get back to a normal frame of mind. My stock answer at the time was that I was a 47-year-old widower with a 12-year-old and no sane woman would to want me, with all the baggage I brought. Of course, she would throw back at me that, as far as she’s concerned, she had the cutest daddy of anyone in her school. I. ”“This is what I mean,” said Bobby. “We need to let him think about all this, so that when we talk like this it doesn’t make him lose his mind.”“I just want to sleep with him again,” said Julie. “Not have sex. Not anything else. Just sleep.”“That’s fine, but I think Babs and I want more than that.”“You bet your finely chiseled ass I do,” said Barbie.“You never talk like that,” said Julie, who was truly shocked.“That was the old Barbie,” said her little sister. “That girl is gone forever.”Bob’s denial wasn’t complete, of course. He wasn’t an idiot. Rather, he simply tried to think about something else. If he didn’t think about what had happened, then he didn’t have to decide what to do about it. When his three children trooped back into the kitchen and Julie announced they were “going somewhere, but don’t worry, we’ll be back, in a while,” he thought it would help. He stared at Julie’s nipple dents as she told him this, and if she was somewhere else, then he wouldn’t be able to do.
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