Maybe I should have been more observant and more focused on teaching Jimmanly pursuits when his father ceased to be a factor in his upbringing.Oh, I saw him settling into a lifestyle which centered on more feminineinterests than on macho male rituals. But secretly I was happy that hewas safe in a less physical and less dangerous world than that of malebullies and lumbering sports' icons. Now I don't know if I was such agood mother to a sensitive young man like Jim. I should have known whatwas in his pretty head. I never guessed it was corsets and crinolines.Now that we have embarked on this summer of Jim discovering his femaleside, I have come to a rapid understanding that Jim really disliked hismale life. His quick embrace of all the femininity I have placed beforehim proves that. Now I have to make sure that his instinctive grasp ofhis female side does not run amuck. He is still so young and unused toreconciling all his desires and feelings and reality. I have to be surehe. I wish I gave him my number but I would have fallen in love.I have had many relationships but none that lasted. I didn't enjoy slavery and these me came from parents that when they found out about them treated them horribly. They were very damaged and wanted to hurt me because they were hurt. I even prayed for a good man but I got violent men where the police had to be called. I still pray for a good man I don't care as much about money as I do about someone to greet me in the morning with a kiss and a piss hard on. Hopefully uncut. I've had some good fucking and some bad. Although I look like a guy in his late 40's or early 50's I am 60.After the three decades of HIV/AIDS I lost every man I had good repour with even my best friend I could have loved better than his heroine addicted jerk whom got Hepatitis C and killed his partner. For the last 16 years I mourned on July 15, 2002. He had me over to tell me he was going to die. I begged him not to die, all of this didn't have time to.
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