She's decided she wants to move closer to her brothers and sister and she said she'll wait until after I graduate. If I don't graduate in May..." You and Billy will be fine," I reassured her."I know. It's just hard sometimes." Yeah, sometimes it is." Sometimes it is." Lynn forced a smile. She took a deep breath and composed herself. Then she reverted to a frown."I'm going to talk to Billy. Can you wait here?"I nodded and she headed down the hall.I wondered how long I should stay. I wanted to talk about the sex with Angie but maybe that was better left until our usual time on Thursday. Lynn took the decision out of my hands when she returned."I told Billy I was proud of him for standing up for Ralph but disappointed that he'd started a fight and gotten suspended. Billy said that was a price he had to pay and I said that I was glad he understood that because he was grounded while he was suspended." Not longer?" Not longer. Anyway, I think you should go, John. He's going to want to play. But that led me again to self-examination, a good trick. I had nevertotally abandoned the idea that I should be female, I just gave up the hopeof ever being. That hope of being female was put into stories, and now acertain story spit it back out, right into my face. One more time, in real lifea girlfriend of a friend of mine made a comment about my hair, and put it uproughly in a female style. A friend made a comment that, if I didn't have a five 'o clock shadow, that I could be mistaken as a chick. Herehappiness flowed again. It was a process, after all. At some point, God, ormy situation allowed a breath of relief, and things were starting to look upagain.Here the dream crossed into reality, and I thought about trying again. Tryingagain after more then 10 years. But even though I couldn't think of the rightwords to say to myself, I knew deep down a core truth. To be a girl was tolove; To love is to be a girl. I would never be able fully to love someoneelse, though I might try,.
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