Going to cheap bars and trying to pick up women wasn't working. The next day, I called my friend Rob to vent. He listened for 10 minutes as I voiced my frustrations."I think I have just the solution," he said. "You need a slumpbuster. Next Saturday, I'll introduce you to Nina. I went to Catholic school with her 10 years ago. She's 27, brunette, slightly chunky with most of the weight in her butt and hips, and still technically a virgin." How the hell can she be a slumpbuster if she's never had sex?" I asked. "I didn't say she's never had sex," Rob chuckled. "I said that technically she's still a virgin. She's had sex hundreds of times."My brain wasn't turned on all the way. It took me a few seconds to figure out what Rob was saying. Then it suddenly became clear. "Oh... OH!" I exclaimed."You got there in the end... so to speak," Rob laughed.Next Saturday, as promised, I went over to Rob's place. Nina came by around 7 p.m. She looked just as Rob had described her. Rob introduced. You make it easier for them the next time to have you do it for them.' Six weeks later, my mother was busted for DWI; she could have killed someone. I'm sorry, Tom, it was a stupid thing to say. I wish I'd had a shot at him, though."She looked at Sue Ellen, Gloria and two other girls. "The rest of you, let me have some time with Tom." The cheerleaders promptly filed out."I'm sorry about the other night," Janey told me."You don't have anything to apologize for." Oh," Janey murmured, "Sue Ellen had some words for me about leaving early. I had to think; life's been a bitch lately, and that's no shit."I nodded. "Yeah!" We traded looks of mutual understanding."I don't think I'll ever be with a guy, not even going down on them any more." She waved at my midsection. "But if I do, he's going to have a hell of an act to follow, Tom." I just try to do the best I can," I told her. "That, and since I didn't perform at all, I'll be easy to beat." All these years, I never gave a shit, never.
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