Like I told you, I run pretty good in a straight line, but quick starts toward a ground ball to my left or right are something else again. I just ain't that quick at getting underway. I'm not even as quick as my body structure might suggest I would be. This shortcoming had probably done as much as anything to slow down my march to the majors.It didn't help that the Orioles had one of the best second basemen in the league -- a guy who could hit, and whose range around second was far superior to mine. He also had 19 homers last season -- 19 more than You-Know-Who.Maybe I would become the first Punch-and-Judy guy to be a full-time Designated Hitter. Well, I didn't have any moral objections to that. Just put me in, coach! DH would do.I got what I felt was pretty adequate attention from the coaching staff in the minor league camp, and when we headed for Ottawa to start the season, I was reconciled to more time in the minors, and feeling pretty decent. When we got there, it was still cold. "Fancy Pants looked confused and glanced around a couple of times, but finally figured out he had to say something."Uh, my name's, uh, Bill and The Program, uh, it just freaks me out," he stammered, staring directly at Crystal all the while."OK, thank you, Bill," Nystrom replied. "I guess you changed your name since last week, didn't you? As I recall, you came to my office looking for a suppository, and your name then was Biron Sweezey." Uh, Bill is sort of a nickname," Fancy Pants explained."Well, Bill, or Biron, or whatever your name is this minute, if the mere sight of naked people freaks you out, then I think you need to spend time at the mall or watching television until you get used to it. Would you like me to speak with your parents about this problem? Or get you into The Program next week?" Uh, no, that's OK. Can I leave now?" Yes, you may. In fact, if anyone else has the same problem, the same advice will apply. There's no need for you to stay," urged Nystrom. Then about.
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