She walked as fast as she could, damn near running. She walked into her apartment to see her friends there. She looked around the place, and felt the tears instantly welling in her eyes, they had completely redone it. ‘SURPRISE! This is your unofficial housewarming party.’ Lyndsy said. Mimi looked at the housewarming banner hanging from the wall, the balloons, the confetti, she could smell the food through the air. ‘Luci even made you a cake.’ ‘Lyndsy even helped cook the meal.’ Luci added. Lyndsy didn’t cook, she ordered and Luci didn’t cook, she burned. Mimi was in shock. ‘I can’t believe this.’ she breathed looking at the living room. She had a couch and love seat, she recognized it was Lyndsy’s older but expensive ‘last year’s furniture’, the matching coffee table, a TV, a few plants, and a small entertainment center. ‘I got you another Aloe Vera plant,’ Luci handed her the small plant. ‘I know it’s not like your mom’s but-‘ ‘It’s perfect.’ Mimi was holding back her tears. . Shit!Then I realized Mrs. Devers had introduced me and I was cleared for take-off. At least I'd had sense enough to put a towel down in advance so I wasn't peeling my ass off the folding chair like a Post It.There wasn't even a podium for me to hide behind, just a microphone on a pole. I took a moment to raise the mike to my altitude. The flexible stalk that held it made a metallic fart that rattled the speakers. My perverse brain couldn't help thinking that using the mike as a dildo would produce some really interesting noises.After titters and polite applause the crowd waited breathlessly. I saw Mrs. Devers break out in a sweat when she saw I didn't even have a three-by-five card to speak from, or hide behind.Naked and unashamed, I prayed for The Stick to some up with something inspiring.Her only advice was to stand tall, take my time, and start simple!Gee thanks! I cleared my throat nervously."Good afternoon." My voice echoed back at me from the building, consonants popping, so I.
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