“Damn, this is a bad idea.” The words taste hollow and desperate as I say them. Worse still, I know I'm not going to listen. I am about to make one of the worst mistakes of my life, yet I can't make myself leave. I know it is a horrible risk, yet I am going to do it anyway. I am consumed with my need for her, and right now, nothing else matters. Nothing but that petite little blond with her incredibly deep blue eyes. Instead of fearing what might go wrong, my mind can only focus on that first, hurried kiss from Sophia. Days later, the taste of her lips still seem to linger on mine. That first, hurried moment we shared had been frantic and incredibly intense. Neither of us had planned it. We didn't even know each other at the time, not beyond our names anyway. To me, she was the wife of an acquaintance, a man with whom I happened to share a mutual friend. To her, I was just another man at the party, a friend of a friend, and nothing more. Closing my eyes, I let my mind wander back to. He was a source of happiness to me because of the feelings I had harbored, deep feelings for him. Hiding them from him when I couldn’t be with him. I could never tell him my feelings for him when I finally understood just what they were and how strong they really were. It was a secret I always had to keep. I tried so hard to forget them, to forget him, but it was impossible. Starring up at him now, I realized just how impossible it really was to forget him, or the feelings I felt for him, especially when all those feeling can rushing back. I looked up at him and hated myself for causing the look of pain on his face. ‘Please Jake, just let me go.’ I asked. I sounded and felt defeated. Nothing I could do would ever be right. I would never be right for him, I am too weak, too lost. It would be too unfair to him to have to save me, to fix me, I’m not savable, not fixable. ‘I am not letting you go, I won’t ever let you go.’ His words confused me. Not letting me go I understood, I was.
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