WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX1) We don’t have to beg for chocolate. This proves nothing. We can get sex without begging. Ask Eve.Let’s just not get like Mrs. Marabel Morgan who wrote “Total Woman.” Wear Saran Wrap to greet your hubby after his hard day at the office. Imagine how sticky you’d feel plastered in plastic!We didn’t have to beg our brother who maybe wasn’t romantic because we mentioned his faults.“Gross, Tim, don’t take off your shoes in here, I wrecked my shoulder in volleyball practice.”“Sorry.”“Maybe you can rub it?”“I suppose.”“We can still watch ‘Basic Instinct’ before the folks get home. I’ll sit in front. Want a creamy or chewy Brach’s?”“Chewy.”Timmy never rubbed through Saran Wrap is my point. Just took a chocolate.2) We can have chocolate in front of our mothers.3) We can have chocolate while driving. Car sex ties into America’s car culture, the automobile as our extension. OK, Corvettes are more-or-less big red penises, probably driven by guys with little pale. Besides, it will be fun for me to havea "temporary" daughter for awhile. With your father divorcing me lastyear, I haven't had much fun and I don't think you have either. Am Iright?" Oh, ok mom. If you really want to, I will do it." How do I start?" It is only two weeks away." Alan, honey, on Saturday we will go to Goodwill and see if they have anyclothes for a girl your age, ok?" Oh, ok mom, whatever you say."The next two days were both exciting and nervous for my mom and me. Atdinner we would discuss "womanless" pageants and why boys dress up likegirls."Alan, have you ever thought about dressing as a girl?" Gee, no mom, maybe once for Halloween."Hmm, she thought to herself.Saturday morning couldn't have come any sooner. I was nervous as heck."Mom, if we buy some clothes at Goodwill, will people think they are forme?" No, not necessarily. But if we find the right dress, I may wantyou to try it on and we could tell people that you will be in the annualjunior high womanless.
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