"Mom cornered us once we were inside with the door closed. "OK, what's going on? You two look like someone died." Her eyes widened, "Did someone die?" No, no," Shelly quickly calmed her. Then she took her hand. "We..." Shelly glanced at me. "I ... made a mistake." A mistake?" Mom asked.Shelly took a deep breath. "I was flirting with Brody all morning—you know how I do—and I, uh, I kind of let things get out of control."Mom's expression hardened. "Out of control," she repeated, "What exactly does that mean?"Shelly fidgeted. "I, uh, I exposed myself to him, uh, nude. I seduced him into drying me off after my shower." Did ... did you have sex with my son?" Mom asked, with a slight tremor in her voice."No, but I almost let it go that far." Shelly glanced at me. "If Brody hadn't stopped himself, I wouldn't have been able to stop him. I—I didn't want to stop him." She grasped Mom's hand with both of hers. "Oh, Tracy, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to go that far."Mom pulled her hand. If not for our friends, I'm certain I would cause their death directly. I understand getting sick about it, and having a sickness that lingers. But I settled down, let the grotesque horror be the worst kind of experience, but one that broadened me exponentially, that let me witness and even participate in the worst of man and learn what man is capable of." Xo showed you how to experience the worst?" Rosa asked."Master told me to envelope terrible moments, to see everything from all sides. He explained man's nature of being self-righteous or self-loathing. Either way, the center of it all. The cause. It's a tendency towards solipsism, these traumatic moments. But to see the causes, the motivations, all of it, you no longer are the center. You may have caused some, but not all. I kept myself from trying to escape the ugliness and horror, instead ruminating on it. And I can't help feeling righteous in my place in it. Those that died brought it solely on themselves, or Simon brought them.
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