In the end, though, it wasn't me who decided it. It was Trina. The sight of Trina, flitting away with her friends. That long, lauded hair of hers floating on the air like mist. The bird-trill of her laughter, the bounce in her step. The secret, unbearable knowledge of what she was hiding.We depressed people—we're not so good at loving ourselves. Depression is born of a root feeling of inadequacy: I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy. But we make up for it with the strength with which we love others. For one, it's what Brandon calls the 'shoelace cycle, ' after the analogy he uses to describe it. (There's probably a real psychological name for it, but none of us know it.) You've got someone who can't tie her own shoelaces, she can only tie other people's. So she figures, "I'll tie someone else's shoelaces, in the hopes that they'll tie mine." And so she does. Sometimes it even works.But for two, it's a response to those feelings of worthlessness. We see ourselves as worthless, but maybe. Living in a studio apartment was tough for them. They didn't get many visitors, it was so tight in their place. Now they had moved to their freshly built home. It had lots of room. The weekend they moved in I went over to watch a game with him and to check out their new place.Jimmy was my best friend. He was two years younger than me. He had waited to marry until he was in his thirties. I was married shortly after high school. I married my girlfriend when she got pregnant. We had divorced after ten years. Our daughter was just over sixteen now.But Jimmy had finally married my younger sister. I mean, they married just over a year ago. It was a grand wedding. Our whole family was there, and my ex and our daughter attended too. My little sister, Ginger, was in her late twenties. I heard from friends that she had been active in the bar scene. But she seemed to settle down when she and Jimmy hooked up. They married after just a year of dating.She was a feisty little thing. Just over five.
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