’ The voice from the steam cut across the room and Carl’s words. ‘Tea and toast for your lady Carlito.’ ‘Mui bien.’ Carl kissed across the counter as payment and returned, hands filled with browned bread and a mug of hotness. ‘Here you are Tea-and-toast.’ Naming Venita for her choice of diet. ‘What do you mean ‘largest and most satisfying pleasure’?’ Venita demanded immediately, curiosity spurring her onward. ‘If you will give me a few moments’ began Carl, ‘I shall demonstrate.’ Whereupon he reached across to Venita’s plate and plucked up a piece of dry toast, between long and manicured fingers. ‘Poke your tongue out for me Tea-and-toast.’ Venita, unsure and quite delighted, poked out the tip of her tongue between white teeth and pink/brown lips. ‘Oh my.’ With feigned shock, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen a tongue so pink. More girl, I need to see it all.’ Glancing around with vague discomfort and mild embarrassment, Venita stuck out the length of her tongue, and then withdrew it just. Fear. There is something careless about this kind of forgetting, something unpardonable, a great guilt. Her husband, her master. His face has the quality of a blurred photograph, yet she remembers his rough hands. His rough, calloused hands on her soft breast. She shudders. Feeling foolish she starts through the alphabet, trying to associate a name with each letter: Albert, Benjamin, Charles, Donald… It feels as if every last cell of her brain was driven into illness. Her lack of memory fills her with silent dread. Not my mind, Dear god not my mind! She tries to compose herself. Ernest, Frank… Letter by letter she continues to analyze the sounds and impressions. What is this? Dear god. Dear Jesus, sweet Jesus. George, Harold… She begins to suspect the answer is beyond her reach. She sends out fingers of desire, need, thought- tries to project them into her past, pull out something stable. The images seep through her fingers like fine sand peppered with doubt. Irving, Johnothan,.
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