I washed and scrubbed the hand covered in Vaseline. It took a while - the water seemed to just skim off it, and when I scrubbed I just seemed to push it around in little sticky clumps.When I left the bathroom, Lee was waiting in the hallway, fully dressed again. "Christ, I was beginning to wonder what happened to you in there. I'm desperate for a piss before I go."We squeezed past each other in the hallway. I looked over at the bedroom: the door was closed.Lee noticed that I'd looked at the bedroom and said: "She's sound asleep already. She's wrecked. Probably best not to disturb her." Yeah, sure," I muttered.Satisfied with the answer, Lee went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. I heard the sound of a long, loud stream of urine a moment later.I waited until he came out and then walked with him back down the stairs and to the front door. He left with a cheery wave - and why wouldn't he be cheery? - and I almost caught myself thanking him for coming. Maybe I'd have told. The way they see it, they are playing into my disturbedfantasies of being a girl--they are being Christian about my execution,you could say, & if you consider it that way, it is a form of mercy thatthey're showing me.And that's the way i die...with this woman softly telling me what a prettygirl i am, how sweet i look, how pretty my toes are, how my PrinceCharming is going to fall in love with me at first sight, how i won'teven sense the centuries going by, how before i know it, i'll be awakeagain, loved & in heaven...i slip out of consciousness at these words, thelast i ever hear, & everyone will say how peacefully & painlessly i died,a trace of a smile on my lips....Well, i said it was a weird fantasy. Lord knows--pun half-intended--whereit came from! When it was over, i slipped out of bed & went into thebathroom to brush my teeth & comb out my hair. Then i came back to bed.My husband was just waking up. He reached out for me with one big arm.With the other, he pulled the sheets.
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